Alec
by killhilvolume2
Summary: A series of fics based on the novel Maurice by E.M. Forster. It is events in the novel in Alec's point of view. Eleven chapters in all.
1. Chapter 1:Angry And Gentle Both Together

Angry And Gentle Both Together

Alec walked across the grass slowly while taking in the beauty that nature offered to Penge that August afternoon. The Durhams would never see how truly beautiful the wholeestate was, for they were too wrapped up in their upper-class nonsense. It was just property to them, something to prove their importance, and they never took the time to take it all in and enjoy it.

There hadn't been much for Alec to do on this day, except to constantly circle the gardens in search of dead rabbits and do a couple of things here and there as ordered. Itwas not much different from what he did each day, and what he would continue to every day until he left for the Argentine, a day that couldn't come soon enough for him.

Yes, he was leaving England, with no intention of coming back. There would be no more taking orders from people who couldn't even remember his name….. and oh, just recalling that incident with old Mrs. Durham and the posting of the letter made Alec's blood boil. He was done withserving these so-called gentlemen and their wives. There was nothing left for him here except for a miserable existence, and though he would miss the woods that he so dearly loved, he knew he must leave them if he wanted something better then all of this.

When Alec reached the front of Penge after about his second time circling the entire estate, he spotted Milly the maid, and her cousin, whose name he couldn't remember at that moment. They giggled when they saw him, and he walked over to join them.

They were not the least bit pretty,nor were they smart or clever, but they gave Alec the attention he always liked getting from anybody who would give it to him. And so the girls where rewarded with his irresistible charm and small, playful kisses on the lips. Alec saw no harm in these little games of flirtation, though those they served would scorn their behavior if they were seen, and call it inappropriate. He thought it was natural to indulge in such behavior and it was the Durhams' loss - or anyone who didn't understand –for not accepting it.

He had gotten so caught up in his flirtation with the two maids that he had failed to see a car that had just drove up and parked not too far from where they were standing. It was only when the girls had broken away from him, giggled, and started to walk away that he realized that they had been spotted.

Alec turned around to find a golden-haired gentleman staring at him with a strange combination of anger and gentleness in his eyes that Alec had never seen in another human being before. A longing to understand why this man looked at him the way he did stirred inside him, along with a different kind of longing that took his breath away.

"Wouldn't I and he…." he started to think, but then realized that if stared at the gentleman any longer that he ran the risk of losing every inch of his sanity. So he just touched his cap and went on his way, with his mind in a muddle and his heart beating out of control.


	2. Chapter 2:Come He Cried

"Come" He Cried

Alec trampled through the thick mud as the rain came down hard on him. The hour was late, but he was not the least bit tired, even after getting very little sleep the night

before. He had found that ever since the day Mr. Hall had arrived, he hardly been able to keep his mind straight, let alone get a good night sleep.

All the lights in Penge were off except the light in the Russet room, which glowed brightly through the window. This was the room Mr. Hall was staying in, and Alec stopped

and stared up at it. He had stood outside like this the night before, wondering what Mr. Hall was thinking, feeling, doing. He had stood out there for what seemed like hours

hoping to catch a look at the strange blond gentleman who had, for reasons Alec was still trying to work out, been the center of his attention and thoughts for the past few days.

These feelings he had, the urge to watch out for Mr. Hall, did not frighten him, as it would most men; but it did confuse him, if only a little bit, because the feelings were stronger

than usual and harder to shake off.

A force stronger than himself kept Alec there, kept him watching. Not even the pouring rain, nor the fear of being caught could move him.

After watching for sometime, Alec heard the window of the Russet Room squeak as it was slowly being opened, and he rushed behind the nearest tree. His heart began to

pound; he had been so close to being spotted, even though part him wouldn't have mind being caught. He peered out from behind the tree to see Mr. Hall leaning out the

window, allowing his golden hair to be sprinkled by the falling raindrops. Alec couldn't help but smile at the sight.

Mr. Hall was really a rare sort of gentleman, and his laughter which echoed through out the darkness at his own silly behavior confirmed this. Alec found himself laughing too.

He felt as though he was seeing a side of Mr. Hall that few rarely saw - a side that a few gentlemen really showed.

Then Mr. Hall's laughing ceased and he stared out in to the night that was so still.

"Come," he cried out and Alec's head whipped back around the tree, pressing his body close to the trunk.

"Had he called for me?" Alec wondered as his breathing became heavy. His chest tightened up at the thought. His mind was racing in so many different directions. He was

completely unsure of himself, which was a rare thing for the boy to be.

The sound of the window shutting after what wasn't even a minute helped Alec reach a decision.

"He don't really want me," he thought to himself as he turned back around towards the house just in time to see the lights in the Russet Room go off.


	3. Chapter 3:It Seems Rather Strange

It Seems Rather Strange

The sun was soon to set on a day that had brought forth strange events in Alec Scudder's life. As he leaned against one of the outside walls of Penge, eating an apricot he had snatched from one of the trees, he let his mind take him back to earlier that morning when he had stood outside the front door of Penge so that he could get a last glimpse of Mr. Hall, who was leaving for town; assuming that he would never see him again.

Mr. Hall had assumed he was after a tip, and had offered him five shillings. But Alec was not going to take money from Mr. Hall; he had no desire too . Alec did accept a tip from Mr. London, who always treated him like dirt, and who Alec had no problem taking a tip from. This had angered Mr. Hall who scolded Alec for it, and caused him to feel great remorse. The last thing he had wanted was to cause trouble with Mr. Hall, who he had been so captivated by. He tried to make up for by carrying his things to the back of the carriage, and opening the window for some air, but it did not seem to undo the damage that had been done, and as the carriage drove away, Alec felt himself pained at the idea that Mr. Hall's last impression of him would be unpleasant.

Minutes after the carriages departure something unexplainable struck Alec, and the urge to see Mr. Hall just one more time overtook him. Before he could give the urge a second thought he took off towards the direction that the carriage had went, cutting through any place that could take him to the end of Penge faster. He paid no attention to the rain that poured down on him, nor the mud under his feet. All his mind was set on was getting that one last look that could hopefully satisfy him for a life time.

Eventually he spotted the carriage, slowly moving through a rough patch, and sprinted towards it. He came upon it just in time to see Mr. Hall peering out of the window, and just in time for their eyes to meet. It was a brief moment, but everything Alec knew was wiped completely away.

And when the carriage passed on, he started walking back quickly before he could be seen again; trying to understand what it exactly it was that just happened.

The rest of the morning went on as it always did: slow and dull. Alec did what he could to keep his mind from wandering to thoughts of Mr. Hall, and the impression his short stay had made on him. He wished that Mr. Hall wouldn't have left so soon though. He didn't have much longer in England , and if Mr. Hall would have been at Penge longer than maybe…..he didn't know exactly what could have been, but the possibilities tormented him…had tormented him ever since he had heard from Milly about what Simcox had saw and suspected about Mr. Hall and Mr. Durham before he had married Mrs. Durham, and what Milly herself had saw, and the letter…...Of course this information did not shock Alec, but nothing really did.

The evening seemed unpromising, and that long run to catch up to the carriage had worn the boy out. The Durham's were going away overnight, and Mr. Durham reminded his gamekeeper to work on patching up the roof, a job Alec was less than pleased to do. He preferred roaming the grounds in search of dead rabbits over repairing Penge any day, but since he was merely a servant and had no say in the matter, he had no choice to obey. Sheer misery was what the rest of the day had in store for him, and there seemed to be no signs of things getting better.

His luck changed however, when Milly came up to him with some newsjust before he was about to climb the ladder to the roof.

"Mr. Hall has come back from town," she told him and then added something about orders to do something he didn't catch, for he was trying to take it all in, while at the same time trying to hide how pleased he really was to hear that Mr. Hall had arrived.

As he worked on the roof, he tried to think of what he was going to do about the Mr. Hall situation. The first thing that had to be done right away was an apology for what had happened with the five shilling tip. He saw Mr. Hall walking in his dinner attire right below him. He stopping to look up at what was going up above and grabbing a cigarette out of his jacket pocket. Alec quickly climbed down the ladder in order to seize the opportunity that had been given to him.

When he reached the bottom, Mr. Hall, who had just finished lighting his cigarette looked at him with a hard expression on his face.But there seemed to be a sort of softness in his eyes that one had to look closely to see, and Alec always looked closely.

He started with asking Mr. Hall if he and the other gentleman where going to go out shooting tomorrow, knowing damn well that the cricket match was tomorrow. Mr. Hall said that it was obivous that he wouldn't be because of the match,and with thatAlec went foreword with his apology. He told Mr. Hall he was sorryif he hadfailed to give him and Mr. London full satisfaction;and that hard look seemed to disappear from the gentleman's face and he replied:

"That's all right, Scudder."

And as Mr. Hall began to walk away Alec found the words " Glad to see you down again so soon, sir," shoot out of his mouth before he could give it a second thought.

Mr. Hall looked at him and repeated "That's all right, Scudder," and walked on.

After Mr. Hall had vanished from his sight, Alec headed towards the side of Penge, where the kitchen was, and went inside to find a few of the indoor servants preparing to serve the dinner under the watchful eye of Simcox.

The old servant saw the gamekeeper, and frowned.

"Shouldn't you be fixing the roof, Scudder?" he asked in his stuffy way of speaking.

"I'm done fixin' it," Alec said proudly, and then added "Would you ask Mr. Hall if he 'ad any orders for me, and if the gentleman wish to bathe between innings tomorrow ? Tell him I just bailed out the boat." The part about bailing out the boat was a lie, but he figured he would deal with that when the time came.

Simcox looked at him bit surprised. Alec was not one who usually asked for orders, but waited for someone to just give them to him.

"Very well," Simcox replied, and then left the kitchen.

He returned a few minutes later and told Alec that Mr. Borenius was coming to speak to him. Alec had no use for the clergyman and his long, exhausting lectures that he had heard before. He was more concerned about what Mr. Hall had to say, and was very disappointed to here that Mr. Hall was not to bathe during the cricket match tomorrow.

He was set on fleeing from the kitchen before Mr. Borenius's arrival, but right as he got to the door, the reverend entered. Without a moments hesitation, jumped on the subject of confirmation in regards to whether Alec had gone through the process of confirmation, to which Alec replied he that he hadn't. Mr. Borenius looked at him startled, and Alec sensed a lecture approaching. He excused himself, telling the reverend something about having to go around the estate to make sure there were no animal carcasses lying about, and quickly head out side.

In the process of his retreat, he ran right into Mr. Hall and held him by both elbows for a very brief second, before releasing him quickly so that the moment did not become an awkward one. Once he let go he walked off before Mr. Hall could take it in what had just happened.

The evening was strange one, filled with tiny events that seemed to be leading to something; but what? And as Alec finished up the last bit of apricot, tried to ponder what the answer could be.

His thoughts were interrupted when he caught sight of Mr. Hall walking Mr. Borenius out through the garden.

"Good night, sir," Alec said as it was expected of him, and the two men both nodded in sync, then continued their walking.

Alec started the first of many round he would do that evening and into the night. The sky above him was darkening with every step that he took, and it looked as though it was going to be a clear and beautiful night. He let the sweet sent of primroses and other plants fill his nose as he passed through the garden. There was so much beauty to take that evening, and it overwhelmed The young gamekeeper, who just wanted to get lost in it all. But there was a job to be done, and he was forced to turn away, only to spot Mr. Hall a few feet away, walking back to the house alone. He seemed to be lost in deep thought.

"Good night, sir," the boy said to the gentleman who turned to him a bit startled, but then gave him friendly look and replied "Good night, Scudder, they tell me your emigrating."

"How did he know about the emigration?" Alec wondered

"That's my idea, sir," Alec replied. They were now walking side beside, and the closeness made him feel slightly uneasy.

"Well, good luck to you." Mr. Hall said

"Thank you, sir it seems rather strange." Alec said, and their eyes met briefly, than they both looked away at the same time. Mr. Hall then said he supposed it was either Canada or Australia.

"No, sir, the Argentine," he replied

"Ah, ah, a fine country."

"Have you visited yourself, sir?"

Mr. Hall smiled and chuckled. " Rather not, England for me."

Alec slowed his pace down, and watched Mr. Hall walk ahead of him.

"Good night, sir," he said for the final time

"Good night."

And the young gamekeeper watched the gentleman disappear around the corner, then turned around and headed toward the woods.


	4. Chapter 4:How Did A Country Lad

**How Did A Country Lad Like That Know?**

**"Come." **

**It was the same plea as the night before, but with more desperation.**

**Alec had only been making his rounds when the cry had been uttered, as opposed to the last night where he had actually been standing out on the lawn watching when it had happened. He had made the decision to walk away then, but how could he possibly ignore Mr. Hall's cry now that he understood that there was something he could do to help him?**

**He stood behind the same tree as the night before, and watched as Mr. Hall, looking as though he had just awoken from a nightmare, stood on the part of the ****Penge**** roof where Alec had been working on only hours before, and shook the ladder, that he had forgot to move, while staring out into the woods in search of something that lay within them.**

**Then Mr. Hall disappeared into his room, but kept the window open. Alec knew what he must do, despite the huge risk he was taking by doing it. He moved quickly to the ladder, and without a ****moments**** hesitation began to climb it.**

**There was no voice in his head telling him to turn back, because he was so confident in his own instincts that were telling him to keep climbing.**

**When he reached the top of the ladder, and peered into the window of the room, he saw Mr. Hall sitting up in bed, looking at him with wide eyes filled with surprise. Keeping his locked on to Mr. Hall, Alec slid through the window into the room, paused to take everything in, ****then**** proceeded towards the bed.**

**"Sir, was you calling out for me?" Alec whispered to Mr. Hall who looked as though he was in a daze. "Sir, I know….I ****know****." Alec reached his hand out and caressed his shoulder. He felt an urge to bring the gentleman closer, and did so.**

**Mr. Hall remained still, while Alec brought his lips to the man's neck, and unbuttoned his pajama shirt. Mr. Hall continued to do and say nothing, which worried Alec only slightly. He did not want to make the gentleman uncomfortable, and it had become clear to Alec that this may not be something that Mr. Hall was familiar with.**

**"Lie down," Alec said softly and Mr. Hall did so while looking at the gamekeeper with the eyes similar to those of a lost child. And when the gentleman's head reached the pillow, Alec lightly touched his face, looked keenly into those eyes of Mr. Hall's, and felt determined to help the man find his way again.**


	5. Chapter 5:The Cricket Match

The Cricket Match

Alec's foot touched the grass carefully, as his decent down the ladder ended. His mind was spinning in so many directions, while his body ached from an interesting and unexpected night of physical intimacy with a gentleman whose arms he would still be lying in if weren't for the damn cricket match he had to help get ready for.

He took the ladder down quickly, but took a moment to stare up at the window of Mr. Hall's…Maurice's….room, and smiled as he thought of the gentleman who was probably still laying in bed with his perfect body covered in the soft sheets. The night had seemed like a dream that had ended to soon, though the hope of at least one more night of sharing before he left for the Argentine, still lingered with great strength in the boys mind.

To have Maurice's skin against his again; to be able to run his fingers through his soft blond hair, and to kiss him where ever he wanted, would be the greatest thing on earth.

As the morning proceeded, the sun grew hot, making the task of setting up for the cricket match, a more difficult task then any of the servants would have liked. It was a match that had gone on for years, and nobody really cared for it. But Alec was in a good mood, and he knew that his night with Maurice had been successful, and that kept him going.

When he was done doing his part in the set up, Alec headed towards the servants quarters to change into his cricketing flannels. He was stopped by Simcox on the way, who had some interesting news for him.

"You have been appointed to the position of captain for the match today in Mr. Durham absence, Scudder, by Mr. Hall, who rejected my suggestion that he captain us," Simcox said with much annoyance that he did not even attempt to hide from the young gamekeeper.

"Why does he want me doin' it for?" Alec asked completely thrown off guard by what the older servant had just told him.

"He asked who the best bat was, I told him it was you and then he instructed me to make you captain," Simcox replied with even more annoyance embedded in this voice. "Also, Mr. Hall says to put him in about eighth."

All Alec could do was nod. He was completely floored by the fact that he was put into the position of captain for the match. He wasn't a big cricket player, but for some reason whenever he did play he did a decent job. He had to step up and do his job well during the match so that he did not make a fool of himself in front of Maurice.

When the match began, Maurice had not come down yet, which had worried Alec, but then was relieved when he did come down a half hour later looking very handsome in his cricketing flannels. Alec tried not to look at Maurice as he sat down near old Mrs. Durham and a couple other ladies, and attempted to keep his focus on the game.

When Maurice came out to bat, Alec quickly tucked in his shirt and watched as the man who he had shared with the night before took his place across from him.

The first ball was thrown to him and Alec hit it far. It was a lost ball. Feeling good about himself, Alec let his eyes meet Maurice, who seemed impressed by the hit, and smiled. Confidence surged through him as the he hit the ball, and as both he and Maurice ran back and forth between the wickets, everything seemed right in the world. They both moved swiftly and gracefully, and when they had made all the runs they could, they looked at one another and a brief feeling of camaraderie seemed to pass between them only to flee due to the fact that there was a cricket match that unfortunately had to be played.

Maurice took his turn at bat and had a nice hit that landed right by a newly arrived Mr. Durham, who had just came back from electioneering. Alec knew that this meant he had to give up his position at once to him. He did not look at Maurice as he made his way across the grass, and handed the cricket bat to Mr. Durham.

He could here Maurice say to Durham " Clive…Oh my dear are you back? Aren't you fagged frightfully?" and he could not help but feel a tad bit envious.

He sat himself down next to Mr. Ayres and watched as Mr. Durham, an appalling cricket player, caused Maurice to get out on the first hit.

As Maurice walked away from the game, Alec noticed that he looked slightly pale and uneasy. Most of his fellow servants stood up to applaud him, but Alec felt it better to stay right where he was, and he watched with a great deal of concern as Maurice took off towards the house in a hurry.


	6. Chapter 6:The Train Ride To London

**The Train Ride ****To**** London**

**Alec stood on the train station platform in his new blue suit, waiting somewhat patiently for the next train to London to arrive. The sky above him was gray, which reflected the mood he was in, and had been in ever since Maurice failed to show up at the boathouse, and then failed to write him up until recently. **

**In his jacket pocket there was a letter from Maurice telling him that he would meet him in front of the British Museum. This had came after Alec had written him, saying that he was coming to London on Tuesday, and if Maurice did not want him to show up at his home, then he better arrange a place that they could meet and talk. Alec knew that this had been beneath him to do, but he felt he had no choice. He had to show the gentleman that he was not going to let anyone treat him like dirt.**

**When the train pulled up to the platform, Alec boarded, and found an empty compartment close to the front so that he could get off quickly when the train arrived in London. He was anxious to get there, but at the same time he felt a little bit worried. He did not want things to get ugly between him and Maurice, in fact that was the last thing he wanted. **

**Alec stared out the window as the train began to move away. It was a relief to get away from ****Penge****, if only for a couple of days, and then come Saturday, forever. The past few weeks and all that had happened during them, ****had only confirmed the fact it was time he moved on with his life, and go to the Argentine. **

**He felt that confronting Maurice, was his last step before he could completely leave England behind, but there was something more to his visiting London then just hurt pride, though Alec was not able to put his finger on it. When Maurice did not show up at the boathouse there had been disappointment mixed in with anger he felt, and that had been the worst of it. He assumed from the way Maurice had acted so tenderly towards him when they were ****lying**** in each ****others**** arms the morning after the night they had shared together, that the man was eager for more. Alec had been willing to give him more, but he had raised his hopes to high, and instead of a night of passion, he was left alone at the boathouse all night, just waiting and hoping that Maurice would come.**

**And as Alec sat there on the train thinking about it, wave of misery swept through him, and took his breath away. He was reliving the feeling of foolishness he had felt after each night he had waited for Maurice, and it was becoming almost unbearable to take. He also recalled how ****everyday**** after Maurice had not ****come,**** he would walk around ****Penge**** fueled with anger and frustration, which he had to hide.**

**Part of that anger and frustration had ****came**** out that very morning, before he was about ready to leave for the train station. Mr. ****Borenius**** had came down ****to ****Penge**** to speak with Alec about confirmation, and usually Alec was able to sneak away from him, but this time was failed to do so. The reverend started to go on and on about the importance of conformation, and Alec became impatient and found himself sneering at the pale faced, man of God openly without a second thought or regret. He would have never of done that, at least not to his face, if his mind hadn't been in such a mess.**

**As the train pulled into the station, Alec felt himself grow uneasy. He had no idea what was going to happen or how things ****where**** going to turn out. **

**Rain was pouring down from the sky above, as Alec walked up the steps of Museum. When he reached the top he stood by the entrance and took everything in. He was not worried that Maurice wouldn't show up. The man had said that he would be there, and for some reason Alec could help but trust him. **

**The boy knew he had to keep his head and stick to the little plan he had worked up in his mind. He thought of the other letter in jacket pocket, the one that he had discovered. It had been from Maurice to Mr. Durham, and Alec was hesitant to use it. He then decided he would only bring it up if he felt he really had too.**

**It began to rain harder, and Alec spotted Maurice walking towards him. Alec's heart started to race faster ****then**** felt his face grow hot, and as Maurice got closer, he thought he saw a sort of glow in the man's face, which could have easily been a reflection of how his own looked at that moment.**


	7. Chapter 7:A Casual Refuge

**A Casual Refuge**

**Alec stood behind Maurice as he unlocked the hotel room door. It was all so surreal to the young man, who had not expected that his trip to London would lead to this moment and what was to follow. He could feel excitement and nervousness building up inside of him slowly, as Maurice opened the door and they went inside.**

**Alec took off his hat and looked around. It was a plan room with two beds, and a fireplace. He went over to the window and pulled back the red curtain just a little bit so that he could see what the view was like. There was no real view, only just of the building next the hotel and the ally way between them. It was dark outside and the rain was still coming down in buckets. Alec then recalled something Maurice had said at the museum; something Alec had pretended to not understand then, but truly did.**

**"You know Maurice," he said while still looking out the window. "I believe you was right 'bout there being only two fine days, and one fine night."**

**With that he turned to Maurice who stood in the middle of the room with his hat in hand, looking at him gently. **

**Maurice nodded with a small smile and Alec turned away from the window and walk slowly over to him. He got as close as he could to Maurice, ****but did not touch him just yet. He only gazed into his light eyes and allowed himself to plunge deeper into a love that had come most unexpectedly.**

**Maurice made the first move. He moved his head closer and captured Alec's lips with his own. Alec closed his eyes and let his tongue slide into Maurice's mouth slowly as he brought his hand to the other man's shoulder and gently caressed it. His mind was spinning, while his body began to feel as though it was being set on fire. He felt Maurice's arms wrap around his waist, and Alec moved his lips away from Maurice's mouth and placed them at his neck.**

**When the collar of Maurice's shirt prevented him tasting the rest of his skin, Alec undid his tie and unbuttoned the first few buttons of the shirt, then continued kissing his neck. Moments later both of them were quickly peeling off one another clothes and tossing them aside on one bed while moving towards the other bed.**

**Alec was surprised when it was Maurice pinning him down on the bed instead of the other way around. He had become a more confident lover, and Alec was eager to see all that Maurice had to offer him in their lovemaking.**

**They kissed and explored each other's bodies with their hands and ****mouths .**** Alec felt as though his brain was going burst when Maurice helped turn him so that he lay on his side, and then slowly thrust himself inside him. Maurice breathed heavily against Alec's neck sending chills down the boy's spine. Alec ****felt his whole body pulsating with happiness and pleasure. It was almost too much to handle.**

**After they had both climaxed and their bodies had finally relaxed, Alec turned so that he faced Maurice, snuggled close, and pressed his forehead against the other man's forehead gently. They talked quietly about nothing in particular for a little while before exhaustion from all that had occurred that day took its toll on Alec, and he buried his head in Maurice's chest. He closed his eyes, and as he felt Maurice's fingers gently stroking his back, he let out a deep sigh and fell fast asleep.**


	8. Chapter 8:A Chance In A Thousand

**A Chance in A Thousand**

**Alec shut the door of the hotel room behind him, and tried not think about the conversation that had just transpired between him and Maurice. Walking down the hotel steps in a daze he attempted to block out all memory of the events that occurred the night before, but when he had reached the bottom of the steps and saw the front desk where Maurice had paid for the room, he remembered the small, and mischievous grin Maurice had given him when the man who worked the desk had turned around to fetch the room key. The memory knocked the wind out of Alec, and he stood there, taking in it all in before he would let it go forever and ever. There was a job awaiting him, a new life, and he was going to stick by what he had told Maurice.**

**The rain outside had begun to die down a little bit, though the sky was still gray and ugly. Alec moved through the wet streets quickly, trying to keep his mind from wandering away him. He looked down at his feet and tried to focus on keeping them moving, so that they could get him to the train station and away from memories and thoughts of what could have been.**

**And what could have been?**

**"Nothin'," he thought to himself" Nothin' to speak of."**

**It was late in the afternoon when Alec arrived at his parents' house. His mother, a plump, red faced woman, came out to greet her youngest son.**

**"Oh Licky, you look 'andsome in that new suit of yours." she gushed. "Nice not seein' you covered wit dirt for once."**

**Alec was strangely quite during dinner, but Fred's constant yapping about nothing of any importance kept his parents and Fred's wife from noticing that something was not quite right with the boy. He ate his food in small bites, but his appetite was gone, and he found himself just staring down at his plate blankly. It was as if all of his thoughts and feelings had been stripped from him the moment he had walked out of that hotel. **

**Feeling slightly dizzy Alec excused himself and headed off to bed. Sleep seemed like it would be an escape from all troubles that plague a person when awake, but this was not the case for Alec. The moment he closed his eyes, only one vision came into his head. It was of Maurice sitting naked on the hotel bed, wholeheartedly trying to convince him to stay on in England with him. **

**"It's a chance in a thousand we met, we'll never have the chance again and you know it. Stay with me. We love each other. "**

**Maurice's words cut through him like a knife. Alec buried his head his pillow, and tried to focus on something…anything, but those words. **


	9. Chapter 9:Why Don't You Stay?

**"Why Don't You Stay?"**

**The soft chirping of crickets echoed through the night, as Alec made his way down to the lake. The full moon above illuminated everything around him, and he felt the gentle breeze brush up against his cheek softly. It caused him to recall the softness of Maurice's hands on his skin. Such a recollection took his breath away, as it did every time thoughts of the lover he had pursued with so much determination invaded his thoughts, which was more frequently now, even as he was hours away from leaving England.**

**He had been confident with his decision to go to Argentine as planned the day he had left Maurice at the hotel. He had been absolutely convinced that there was no possible way that they could actually have a life together. But as the days leading up to his departure came and went, he found himself having doubts about the choice he was making.**

**Alec had tried with every bit of strength he had to avoid thoughts of Maurice, but it was an exhausting task to undertake, and he had forfeited a decent night sleep at his parents' house trying to fight the pain he knew was growing inside of him. **

**And while he wrestled with his emotions on the inside, evidence that he was going through an emotional struggle was becoming apparent to those around him.**

**Alec's father, a man of very few words had pulled him aside before he was about to head to the train station.**

**"Are you feelin' alright son?" he said with deep concern. "You hardly touched yer breakfast."**

**"I'm fine,"Alec replied with a badly faked smile. "Just had a rough time sleepin' is all."**

**The bearded old man did not seem convinced, but did not pursue the subject any further. He simply wished his son a good journey back to Penge, and reminded him that he needed to catch the earliest train to Southampton on Saturday if he wanted to get there on time.**

**Alec was not looking forward to going back to Penge, and If he most of his belongings hadn't been there, he wouldn't have gone back, even if it was only for one day. He was more than happy to leave it all behind now.**

**It was late in the afternoon when he arrived at Penge. The moment he stepped foot on the estate, he felt the urge to turn around and run away. He knew that he would be bombarded with orders from the Durhams the moment they found out he was back. They would have him doing work up to the final second of his time at Penge, because that was just the kind**

**Of people they were.**

**"To think that Maurice and Mr. Durham were…" Alec thought to himself as he approached the house. He tried to shake the thought off and shifted his focus on all of the things he had to pack later.**

**The evening came and went with Alec circling Penge, bored and tired. He had avoided roaming behind the house where the Russet Room was ever since the day of the cricket match, but something brought him there that night. He leaned against the same tree he had stood behind those nights he watched for Maurice. He Took along drag of his cigarette, and then blew the smoke out into the night. He didn't feel sad, it was worse than that. He didn't feel anything. It was as if he had been stripped of every emotion that a person could possibly feel. **

**The lack of feeling followed him throughout the next day. He should have been filled with relief at the fact that it was his last day working for the Durhams, but there was nothing there, only emptiness. The cause behind all of it was crystal clear, and Alec tried not acknowledging it.**

**It was as he laid quietly in bed after he had finished packing, that every emotion, and everything he had been trying to block out of his mind came rushing back, just like it had at his parents' house, only this time it was everything.**

**Thoughts of Maurice flooded his mind. The look he gave when he had caught him kissing Milly and Milly's cousin, the way the sun hit his golden hair, ****the lost look in his eyes before they had made love for the first time, the warm glow on his face when he approached him outside of the museum, and finally, the look of pain in his eyes before he had left him at the hotel. Alec sprung out of bed. He felt the need to go outside in the fresh air. He knew that there was no use in blocking out everything anymore, and that he must confront this thing head on, before it gets worse.**

**And that is what brought him down to the lake. He stood gazing out at the reflection of the moon on the dark water in front of him, and found himself thinking about a life he had not allowed himself to ponder till now; one with Maurice in it. It would be a difficult and risky one and the odds would always be against them, but there would be love, and if it lasted than there was always hope. **

**Maurice was willing to take that risk for him and he was willing to give up everything to be with him. How could he possibly go to the Argentine, and run the risk of never having the kind of happiness that overwhelmed him the way it did when he laid in Maurice's arms? **

**The decision to stay or leave was in front of him once more. He could here Maurice voice in his head saying "Why don't you stay?" **

**"Yes, perhaps I ought to stay." Alec thought to himself as a giant smile formed on his lips and a small wave of joy swept through him, relieving him of all his worries if only for a little while. **


	10. Chapter 10:Without Fail

**Without Fail**

**In the wire Alec had sent off to Maurice's house the morning after he had decided that he was going to stay on in England, it said that Maurice was to meet him at the Boathouse, Penge "Without fail." The waiting had been torture, not because he thought Maurice wouldn't come to him, but because the minute and hour hands on the small clock that sat on the fireplace mantel in the boathouse seemed move so painfully slow. He was ready to start on a new journey with the man whose love had given him new strength and courage, but time was making him wait.**

**Towards mid afternoon, Alec started to grow tired. After days filled with ever changing emotions and hardly any sleep, exhaustion had finally ****taken**** its toll on him. He started a fire in the fireplace, and then he took the old and faded cushions that he liked so well and arranged them just the way he always did. **

**He ****lay**** down on the cushions and faced the fire. He felt the warmth surround him as he watched the golden flames glow brightly. Thoughts of Maurice filled his mind, bringing him both peace and happiness, and he let his heavy eyelids shut slowly. With the firm belief that his Maurice would be with him soon, he drifted into a deep and peaceful sleep.**

* * *

**Awoken by the sound of a creaking door, Alec opened his eyes, and noticed that night was starting to fall. His vision was slightly blurry from sleep, and when he heard a familiar voice say "Alec," he thought he was in a dream.**

**Alec turned his body around and saw his lover walking towards him. Maurice looked worn out, as though he had been on the move all day. He crouched down beside the boy, who began to gently caress his arm with both hands.**

**"So you got the wire."**

* * *

**Alec knew something was bothering Maurice, whose body was pressed tightly against ****his,**** Nothing had been said or done to indicate that something was on his dear friend's mind, but he could sense a slight uneasiness, and hoped to God that wasn't something that he had done.**

**"Is something wrong, Maurice?" he asked as began to run his fingers through the soft hair of his lover whose head was resting on his chest.**

**Maurice let out a deep sight.**

**"No****it's**** just…." he paused and then lifted his head up so that he looked down into Alec's eyes. "Alec, I need to see Clive one last time before we leave. I want to tell him about us." Alec sat up quickly, his eyes wide with surprise. He ****was completely floored. He opened his mouth to protest, but as he looked into Maurice's eyes, he realized that this was something that he had to let him do.**

**

* * *

**

**With a trunk full of his belongings at his side, Alec waited outside of the boathouse for Maurice to return from his final visit with Mr. Durham. Once again, he found the waiting to be hell.**

**It was dark out, and Alec could barely see an inch in front of him. So it was startling when he felt a hand grab his arm and pull him close.**

**Maurice, now visible because he had brought Alec so close to him, leaned ****forward**** and kissed him passionately. He had come back to him without fail, as Alec knew he would always.**


	11. Chapter 11:A Casual Refuge Part 2

A Casual Refuge Part 2

The sun shone brilliantly through the window of another strange hotel room, where Alec laid awake and listened to the steady breathing of the golden haired man who slept soundly in his arms.

It was the calm before the storm. Only a day and a half had passed since they had left the boathouse to start a life together, and Alec knew that they had a long and difficult road ahead of them. Still, he didn't let the reality of what would happen once they left the hotel taint the joy he felt there in that bed with his dear friend.

Alec gently pressed his lips on Maurice forehead and was startled when his lover began to snore loudly. He chuckled softly and wondered how he was ever going to get use to that awful noise.

Feeling some discomfort in his legs, shoulders and back, he knew he ought to get up and stretch a little. He didn't want to leave Maurice's side, but they were going to have to get up eventually, and he would have a head start. Alec slowly unwrapped his arms that were around Maurice, then tried to gently move his lovers arms that held him so tightly without waking him up. Maurice stirred, but did not wake up, and before he got out of bed, Alec took a minute to admire the man who now had every bit of his heart and soul.

He got up slowly, and walked around the small room quietly. His and Maurice's clothes were scattered carelessly on the floor, and Alec grinned as he recalled all that had gone on since they had first arrived. Their time in that hotel was not spent with a cloud of sadness hanging over the bed like there had been before, when Alec thought that it was going to be the last time he and Maurice would be together. There was no force in the world that could tear them apart now, and Alec rejoiced at the fact that when he did leave the hotel, it would not be alone.

Alec went over to an oval mirror that hung on the wall right by the side of the bed that Maurice was sleeping soundly on. He took a good look at himself, and tried to smooth out the mess of dark thick curls that stuck out everywhere. This was always an impossible task because his hair never seemed to stay neat.

Suddenly, Alec felt a soft, warm hand grab his arm. Alec turned to see Maurice looking up at him with sleepy eyes and giant grin.

"Why are you out of bed?" Maurice asked as he caressed Alec's arm.

"It's late Maurice. We best get out of here and start lookin' 'round for work." Alec replied taking Maurice's hand in his. Maurice was quiet for a minute. He sat up in the bed and just stared out at nothing in a daze. He stayed like that a little too long for Alec's comfort. Alec moved closer to the bed and then rested his hand on his lover's shoulder. "You alright Maurice?"

A devilish smile appeared on Maurice's lips. Alec knew very well what Maurice was thinking when he smiled like that, but Maurice had grabbed a hold of him and pinned him down on the bed with all of his strength, before Alec could even give it a clear thought.

Maurice kissed Alec's lips with so much passion and sweetness, that Alec let the issue of finding work drop out of his thoughts, and he put his focus entirely on the taste of Maurice's mouth on his own.

Maurice slowly broke the kiss and began to move downward. As Alec felt Maurice's mouth surround him from below, he wondered if it was possible for a person to die from feeling so much love and happiness.


End file.
